We were exactly 3 minutes into the project before curse words were flying. Michael stormed out of the room, to which I told him "I can do it on my own!" His response, "Good luck!"
Grumbling and complaining under my breath, I worked to prove him wrong. In my head, I plotted the day I would tell my son that "Mommy hung this chair rail for you because SHE loves you so much." (Because obviously little boys care about those things). Based off of the noise coming from outside, I was led to believe that Michael was digging a trench around our house, using heavy equipment. He was fuming.
We entered the room together and he genuinely complimented me on my hard work. We didn't talk about the fight, we just moved on.
Our ability to disagree isn't just confined to household projects. Cleaning causes me to twist my hair so much that pieces begin to fall out and that little vain in Michael's temple to pop. Our beliefs and practice on cleaning are fundamentally different.
Michael cleans like it's his last day on Earth, judgement is about to be thrown down from above, and his eternal fate is hanging on our home being spotless. He rushes through the house cleaning at the same rate our boys rush through the house terrorizing it. I, on the other hand, don't like to fight the chaos. I wait until things settle, and then I get started, slow and steady. To me cleaning is a process not a task.
Don't worry, I'm not naïve, I'm sure he would describe my cleaning style as someone "waiting for someone else to do it first."
Thing is, we aren't going to change much. Sometimes, we go to bed mad. We often speed through the evenings barely acknowledging the others hard work. We can be selfish.
BUT, we also have other things we do exceptionally well together. Last summer we went camping 6 times with our 3 kids under age 4... and each trip was amazing. (Okay, we all survived and we remember the trip fondly) We've moved several times, across several states, and bought a home together. We continually work on how we want to raising our kids together; we make joint decisions, always have each other's backs, and would never go against what the other feels is important. With kids, they are the only ones we have to worry about winning.
It's a process. We won't ever clean the same. Sometimes Michael takes the kids for a trip to the park so I can get work done, or he leaves work a little early so he can clean up before the weekend. We work on thanking the other person. We work on noticing what they have done even if it isn't "our" way.
I see people's advice on marriage about not going to bed mad or learning to pick your battles, etc. We don't always pick the best battles and we don't always talk it out before bed, but we love each other. We love each other despite our problems. We love each other enough to know that some things don't need to be talked to death and sometimes a kiss in the morning before work is all the "I'm sorry" the other person needs... and we try to stay away from home projects.
Grumbling and complaining under my breath, I worked to prove him wrong. In my head, I plotted the day I would tell my son that "Mommy hung this chair rail for you because SHE loves you so much." (Because obviously little boys care about those things). Based off of the noise coming from outside, I was led to believe that Michael was digging a trench around our house, using heavy equipment. He was fuming.
Two hours later, as I was finishing up, I opened the door to find Michael in the hall
"How did it go?"
"It was tough, but I think I did a great job."
We entered the room together and he genuinely complimented me on my hard work. We didn't talk about the fight, we just moved on.
Our ability to disagree isn't just confined to household projects. Cleaning causes me to twist my hair so much that pieces begin to fall out and that little vain in Michael's temple to pop. Our beliefs and practice on cleaning are fundamentally different.
Michael cleans like it's his last day on Earth, judgement is about to be thrown down from above, and his eternal fate is hanging on our home being spotless. He rushes through the house cleaning at the same rate our boys rush through the house terrorizing it. I, on the other hand, don't like to fight the chaos. I wait until things settle, and then I get started, slow and steady. To me cleaning is a process not a task.
Don't worry, I'm not naïve, I'm sure he would describe my cleaning style as someone "waiting for someone else to do it first."
Thing is, we aren't going to change much. Sometimes, we go to bed mad. We often speed through the evenings barely acknowledging the others hard work. We can be selfish.
BUT, we also have other things we do exceptionally well together. Last summer we went camping 6 times with our 3 kids under age 4... and each trip was amazing. (Okay, we all survived and we remember the trip fondly) We've moved several times, across several states, and bought a home together. We continually work on how we want to raising our kids together; we make joint decisions, always have each other's backs, and would never go against what the other feels is important. With kids, they are the only ones we have to worry about winning.
It's a process. We won't ever clean the same. Sometimes Michael takes the kids for a trip to the park so I can get work done, or he leaves work a little early so he can clean up before the weekend. We work on thanking the other person. We work on noticing what they have done even if it isn't "our" way.
I see people's advice on marriage about not going to bed mad or learning to pick your battles, etc. We don't always pick the best battles and we don't always talk it out before bed, but we love each other. We love each other despite our problems. We love each other enough to know that some things don't need to be talked to death and sometimes a kiss in the morning before work is all the "I'm sorry" the other person needs... and we try to stay away from home projects.
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