She was never meant to be a family pet for three kids or a "practice baby" for a young couple, she was meant to be mine, and I belonged to her.
Maddie was what 20 year old; selfish, unfocused, scared Megan needed. We loved each other unconditionally. The purpose she gave me was a relief from worrying so much about myself.
And when, on Friday, I carried her into the car one last time, I saw and felt the past 13 years fly by. I rubbed her head when I laid her down in the backseat and nuzzled my face to hers to let her know she would be fine. I inhaled her, trying to never lose that memory. Just as I had done 13 years ago, when I drove the two of us home for the first time, we were going to take this final drive, as just the two of us.
13 years goes by in a moment. 13 years holds too many emotions and life changing events to even put into words. When I began writing this, I typed everything I remembered about my life with Maddie; our stories, our travels, the moving we've done across this country, her funny quirks, the absolutely uncontrollable love she showed me, and how she changed me to my core.
But, the magnitude of what she meant to me and our time together isn't easily written.
Our time together, right now, means more to me than a series of moments written down. Those moments are there, those memories are wonderful, but for the time being, those belong to the two of us.
But, the magnitude of what she meant to me and our time together isn't easily written.
Our time together, right now, means more to me than a series of moments written down. Those moments are there, those memories are wonderful, but for the time being, those belong to the two of us.
I've always said that I grew up with a golden retriever, because that is what our family had when I was younger, but it isn't true; I grew up with a black lab. I grew up with Maddie.
She wasn't a pet, she wasn't family, for 13 years she was a part of me, ever single day. Maddie saw it all, was there for it all, and I could not thank her enough for what she provided for me.
Tonight, as we returned from camping, the kids hardly notices her absence.. and that is okay. To them; Maddie belonged to me, she was a fixture in our home since the moment they arrived in this world. I noticed though, I felt her absence even before we arrived at the house. She hadn't rushed to the door or bounded through the house with excitement in a while, but she was there for me each day, without fail. With her kind, understanding eyes, she loved me with all that she was, and that is what I will miss the most.
She wasn't a pet, she wasn't family, for 13 years she was a part of me, ever single day. Maddie saw it all, was there for it all, and I could not thank her enough for what she provided for me.
Tonight, as we returned from camping, the kids hardly notices her absence.. and that is okay. To them; Maddie belonged to me, she was a fixture in our home since the moment they arrived in this world. I noticed though, I felt her absence even before we arrived at the house. She hadn't rushed to the door or bounded through the house with excitement in a while, but she was there for me each day, without fail. With her kind, understanding eyes, she loved me with all that she was, and that is what I will miss the most.
So sorry for your loss. I lost my dog two and half years ago, and it was the worst loss of my life because of her unconditional love and support. I called every pet loss hotline, participated in pet loss support groups and listened to other people's stories, and it helped. It took me much more than six months to recover, even now, I cry, but I am not sorry that she was a part of my life. She brought so much love and wisdom into our lives, and the memories of her make me smile through the tears.
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