Beckett, Brooks, and Eliza are exactly what I dreamed they would be; loving, smart, funny, sweat, cuddly, and all with blondish hair and blue eyes just like Michael. But being a mom and wife are nothing like I expected.
I pictured myself staying home, driving a large SUV, living in a huge house with lots of room (preferable in my hometown of Frankenmuth, MI), kids that listened and respected everyone, having the ability to 'live in the moment' and enjoy everything, going on regular dates or weekend get-aways with Michael, being able to stay on top of house work... I just knew I could be "That mom," but turns out, I'm nothing like that woman.
But, maybe I wasn't meant to be that mom.
I wasn't meant to have it all together. My house isn't huge and it always needs to be cleaned. My kids listen when they aren't supposed to and conveniently don't hear me when I want them to. We drive a cross-over because, let's face it, I'd rather have a minivan but we needed a tow package for the pop-up. I don't run the PTA, instead, I am on the receiving end of the PTA as a teacher who loves when they have the chili pot luck. Michael and I have never had a weekend get-away. Our weekends consist of babies in our bed, camping as a family, and soccer games.
Staying home... while I know is perfect for many, was not me. I was home exactly one year and that year was so hard on our marriage and myself emotionally, that working was a better option for our family. And you know what, I love teaching! No, not all the time, but in my heart, just as I knew I would be a mother, I know I am a teacher.
I'm not "that mom," my kids aren't perfect, our marriage has its ups and down, and sometimes I do just want to get in the car and drive away from it all... but I don't because despite any struggles, this is the life I was meant for. I am lucky enough to start and end each day giving cuddles, stealing kisses, and helping the three sweetest little ones I know jump into their dreams.
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