Today

Today, my kids ate frozen waffles, actual frozen waffles, for breakfast. I told them to give it time and "they'll warm up."

Today, I winced after getting out of the shower with Eliza, as I saw her walk over and step on my scale, as if that's supposed to be part of my routine. I put the scale away in the linen closet. I hate that I don't have the courage to throw it out.

Today, after yelling at Beckett, I apologized and then broke into tears as I was driving home from swim lessons. Brooks, my heart, said "Mamma, you always cry when you think you're a bad mamma, but your not. I always think you're a good mamma." To which Beckett followed with "We always know you love us, and we always love you.  Don't cry mamma."

Today, we had fast food for lunch and I played on my phone the entire time they were in the playroom.

Today, as we walked across the parking lot, Beckett paused to hold his sister's hand and explain to her the rules of crossing busy roads. 

Today, I kept telling myself to slow down, breath, and take it easy; that everything would be fine if we were late and the house wasn't clean, but I couldn't.

Today, as I put Lizie down for her nap, she softly  whispered "sweep wis me mamma," so...

Today, I let my boys watch a Netflix show I'd normally say no to, so that I could get some rest and cuddle with Lizie.

Today, I lost my temper not once, not twice, but a hundred times.

Today, my littlest baby stood screaming "MAMMA take me!" at the door as I took off for a run. And although I normally try to take her, I couldn't bring myself to turn around, even though I knew what the next 40 minutes would be like for Michael.

Today, I didn't pause to listen to Michael or ask about his day because I was too consumed with mine.

Today, after my run, Brooks told me I looked strong.

Today, I wasn't at my best.

Today, I was exhausted and it showed.

But together, we made it through today. No one was irreparably damaged. No one was left behind or forgotten.  No one went without a million kisses and cuddles.  No one went through the day without love and being heard.

Tomorrow, I'll rise early and try to start the day on top of things. Tomorrow I'll take deep breaths before losing my temper. Tomorrow I'll make my babies breakfast and sit with them to talk. Tomorrow we will practice site words and numbers and the alphabet.

Or, maybe tomorrow will be just like today. Either way, I'll keep working on myself.  I won't always (if every) be the best mom or wife, but that isn't the goal.  The goal is to wake up each day, not only for my family, but myself.  The goal is to love, be honest, and work with them so we can all learn to be our best selves...and hopefully it gets a little easier.