I remember sitting in our blue Chevy van outside of my dad's plant at Steering Gear, waiting for him to get off of work. He'd excitedly climb in, showing no signs of working (quite possibly) double overtime. In the back my sisters and I were hunkered down with blankets, pillows, and travel materials my mom had packed for us for our trip. Within minutes we had "hit the road," for camping. Somewhere along the way "Mike's Greatest Hits," came on and we'd sing along to George, Johnny, Jim, Hank, and Willie. As we traveled my mom would tell us of everything we'd see and do on the trip, she would educated us from the front seat of the car about the national landmarks that lay ahead and even taught us poems about Lewis and Clark, that I can still recite to this day.
Camp was set up and we'd climb into the tiny home that would be ours for either a long weekend, or at times, upwards of a month. We'd be lulled to sleep by Patsy Cline and dream of our adventures ahead. As I look back now, our trips were magical...National Parks, State Parks, countless states across the country, faerie boat rides, and often up into Canada to visit several Providences. I loved the campground atmosphere that fostered kids running bear foot and roasting marshmallows at campfires. And those times, when we'd find a campground in the middle of nowhere that no one was staying, seemed like a little peace of heaven just for us.
My parents created something, in my mind, that is beautiful and exciting and nostalgic. This is what I want for my kids... but as time moves on and Michael and I move into, not just the proverbial, but the literal driver's seat, the experience is definitely different.
How did they make it look so easy? How did they plan everything so smoothly (and without the internet)? How did my mom do all the packing for 3 kids, herself, as well as all the food/towels/bathroom supplies/medical supplies for EVERYONE?!? How did I miss the exhaustion on my father's face as he walked out of the hot factory in July? How did I not see when my parents disagreed on a plan of action? How did I not notice the deep breaths they must have taken when my sisters and I had them at their wits end?
Seven months ago Michael and I began planning our most recent trip. I like reservations, departure dates, and planning for what to expect; but one month ago Michael's work responsibilities changed and we had to quite literally flip our route and move our entire trip back a week. While I'd like to think I'm flexible, Michael felt my frustration and I felt pressure to continually change and update our plans.We pushed onward and were fortunate enough to still obtain reservations.
I promise, I work very hard to be understanding, but when the week to leave finally came and he had to go in early each day and return to work each night for a few hours, and then we had to push our departure back another day... I was exhausted and frustrated. Not mad, but frustrated. I'd been planning, packing, taking care of the kids, dreaming of magical moments as a family on vacation, and felt like I was the only one who wanted this vacation. (I realize how petty and self involved I sound at this point... don't worry, I improve)
Michael is an amazing father and husband, he works incredibly hard and is beyond dedicated to his responsibilities in all aspects of his life. These are not things I say lightly nor that I say because a wife is supposed to; they are true. Logically and lovingly I say these things, but when vacation is just around the corner and plans change again; I know I'm not at my best as a wife. When you are in throws of life and kids and marriage and work and summer vacation, it's easy to feel like you're the one carry the weight of your family, even though it is far from true.
The thing is, we were both working towards the same goal; our family. I was doing the day to day and Michael was doing the big picture. I was dreaming of the moments I remembered as a child that I wanted to pass on and Michael was working so that we would always be able to provide our kids with those moments.
When Michael came home and we loaded in the car, we let it go. The tension that had grown between us over the past weeks faded. No, I'm not going to lie, we didn't talk much the first few hours, but sitting quietly in the car together as the kids giggled and talked brought us back to who we are as a couple and reminded us of why we were heading down the roads that lay ahead.
We are two very different people, but what we have in common, are the three little ones that ride in the backseat. With all of our hearts, our goal as a couple, is to build experiences as a family and foster growth, individuality, and love.
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| 95% of our photos look like this |
I know now that my family vacations weren't all sunshine, waterfalls, and magic. I know my mom stressed about having the right amount of outfits for her girls, enough food for the trip, whether or not we'd make our reservations, what toys and games to pack, and over the fact that sometimes her kids just wouldn't BE QUIET. I know that my father worked tirelessly for our family so that we could have our long family vacations and that, although he was exhausted, he never carried his work stress over into the trip because that isn't what a dad is supposed to do.
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| Thanks to Nana, we were able to catch LOTS of moments as a family! |
On our trip, Michael, whose favorite past time these past 10 years has become fly fishing, packed his fly rod; but instead of waking before the sun to hit the rivers of Yellowstone and Montana, he rose to call his boss and finalize work that he still left unfinished. And although I'm sure a little frustrated showed on my face when he ran off mid trip, I got it. I got that he was there for us and that he was leaving camp briefly to work for us; and I deeply appreciate, respect, and love him for that. (Also, I'm beyond thankful for my in-laws who were there to help out and keep me balanced)
This September marks 10 years of marriage (16 years together), and as much as I wish we were always a well oiled machine, we aren't. We often disagree, hold anger, and are baffled by the other's career choice and work methods. I can be very needy and focused on what impacts me in the moment and Michael can be distant and pre-occupied with work,
BUT we do hit our stride; we learn to barrel through our struggles and rise up for the other when necessary. We see the good in the other person and work to bring out their best. Above all, we love each other as a spouse, partner, and parent.
The trip wasn't perfect, but to my kids, it was. Our babies will remember swimming in the rivers and lakes, having Uncle Brett watch them jump in and swim across the pool, driving through the mountains and taking pictures on the edges of cliffs, cuddling with Nana and Papa by the fire, sleeping in piles together in our pop up, biking through the campgrounds of Yellowstone, cruising around in a boat in Glacier, but most importantly; I hope they remember that mom and dad too, were happy! I hope they remember that we worked together as a family to travel, that we live in the moments that make up the lasting memories, that we deeply love our family, and that we are always excited about the next stop along the way.
